Bunnies are Evil
by FaItHzAnGeL
Summary: Anya's recount on how she came to fear the dreaded Bunnies...


**Title**: _Bunnies are Evil_  
**Author**: FaItHzAnGeL  
**Disclaimer**: Jyeah, like I own Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If I did, Faith would so not be jail; Angel and Buffy could get it on freely. And Xander and Spike would get it on nightly, and be funny about it. So, yes, again I say I own nothing but the lint in my pockets...  
**Rating**: PG-13, Violence (kinda), Bad Language, and some graphic scenes (ok, like one, but still)  
**Distribution**: Hey, if you want it, it's yours; just let me know about it first, ;-)

This fic has been nominated for Best Comedy/Best Anya Fic in the Pure Bliss Awards. Go to http://www.shibbybitch.net/pba/nominees_fanfiction.html find my name, this fic, and go to the vote section and vote for me! 

**_Bunnies are Evil_**

"I mean really and truly, who would hold such...horrible things!" Ugh, he's giving me that look again, the one he always gives me when it's time for me to explain something to him, "What?" I reply sharply to his glance. He shrugs, stupid man (yet I love him so why?), and smirks at me - ok, now I remember why...

"Why do you hate bunnies An?"

Why do I hate bunnies? Why do I hate bunnies! Their floppy ears, their twitchy sneaky noses, and their habitual obsession and compulsion of eating carrots! Why?! "Well, Xander, if you must know..."

It's strange, these things called memories, it's as if I'm really there, even if I am telling Xander my story.

I was a young demon at the time, D'Hoffryn had just recruited me, and I was doing quite well, so many wishes, so many men to destroy; I was in so much business that I was up to my arms in appointments.

But, of course, being a beginner, burn out is quickly evident, and the Lower Beings frown upon it when you...accidentally disembowel one of its most prized members, and I mean how was I supposed to know? Really, you'd think these demons would walk around with signs saying, 'Look at me, I'm close to the Lower Beings, touch me not.' Kooky demons.

So, of course, I had to be punished. I'll never forget that day. I was walking through the this town, the city was so deserted. I'd gone on a regular wish venture, I didn't know what was to come. I knew it was odd, but I guess I was too stupid, or tired, to know when something bad was going to happen. Usually when there was an apocalypse about to happen, people ran scarce, I didn't know that yet.

Finally, they cornered me, and D'Hoffryn showed up giving me a growl. Now, D'Hoffryn is usually a quite passive demon, so this scared me shitless - and I'd already seen some terrifying things, mostly because I'd caused them, but I digress.

He said that I was stupid for having disemboweled Hubert, yes, Hubert, stop laughing. Yes, a demon can be named Hubert!

Punishment? Me? How could I be given punishment, I was a vengeance demon for Christ's sake! I took things too lightly, I was young, what can I say. The wind picked up, and I was sure I could handle anything they threw at me...I wasn't expecting what happened next.

There was this orange light, which I thought was odd because usually when demons, witches, whoever transport you it's in a blue light, or a white light, rarely ever orange. I started panicking when I couldn't feel my legs, my arms, or even walk. I was just on the ground, that much I knew, and I had a sense of being, but I couldn't talk, I couldn't walk, I couldn't wave my arms flailing; ok, so this is where I started freaking out.

And I was becoming nauseated by the smell of carrots.

I felt small, and compact.

It wasn't until I saw D'Hoffryn looking down at me that I realized I was in a whole lot of messy trouble. Especially when he said, "So, my dear, how does it feel to be a vegetable?"

I was speechless. Ok, so that goes without saying, but I could still feel, and be damn it. I was a living thing! And he turned me into a fucking vegetable?! Then I started to wig in a very large way, what vegetable was I? If I was spinach, I was going to kill someone. I mean really, that would've been torture, a big leafy substance that's green, and green was so not my color back then, stupid demon. Before I knew it, I was getting angry over his lack of brains, and his stupidity of turning me into spinach.

Then I could smell carrots again.

"You turned me into a fucking carrot!?!"

I thought I couldn't hear a more sinister laugh. You know, I often watch that cartoon and stare at the evil bunny that always harms that nice coyote, and he reminds me of...him. His abnormally large whiskers, the nose that twitched for ages, his big floppy ears hanging low and touching the ground, an oversized bunny taller than D'Hoffryn.

And he looked at me with hunger in his fucking beady little eyes - the bastard.

"Anyanka, my dear, allow me to introduce your punishment," he grinned, "the Easter Bunny."

"The Easter Bunny?!" Xander shouted as he interrupted the memory, and bringing me back from my flashback. I nodded, "Oh yes, the Easter Bunny is highly respected demon, second cousin to one of the Lower Beings."

"But...but..."

"The eggs thing? Yeah, that's true. He leaves eggs out for people find, mostly kids. Once they find them, they hatch, attach to you, and these itty bitty bunnies rip your skin off and eat your flesh, and then eat the rest of you until you're nothing but bones."

Xander stared at me for a long while, "What? Did I say something wrong?" Silly Xander, the Easter Bunny was a horrible thing to endure, really. Once D'Hoffryn left, I was alone...with that evil bastard. He circled around me, teasing me, moving in closer. His teeth were an awful yellow, his eyes were a dark black, and red pupils, and he clawed at me, tossing me around. Then he grabbed a hold of me laughing as I screamed - apparently, he could hear me - and started chewing down.

"I'd never been so afraid in my life." Xander blinked as I continued, "I opened my eyes and I was better again. I was my demon self, I wasn't a carrot with foul smells, and Mr. Easter Bunny was looming in the back towering over D'Hoffryn. I turned around, and I watched as all the bunnies attacked a pair of children and eat them..." I'm all about the Magic box now, he still keeps looking at me while I'm messing with the cash register, and from out of nowhere I hear, "Ew. That is so gross."

"Dawn!" Xander looks at her and they both give each other the 'wicked gross' look and agree, that was horrifically wrong. I have been telling all of them, but no one believes me.

Bunnies are evil.

They're just...evil.


End file.
